Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure AI imagination
Thanks to the rise of AI, taking candy from babies just got easier. Joe Goulcher reveals how marketers can avoid emulating Glasgow’s infamous ‘Willie’s Chocolate Experience’ after it was accused of ‘taking the weans’ Christmas money.’
Have you ever wanted to take a couple of hours out to go ‘catgacating’ with the kids in an industrial park in Glasgow? Maybe you could squeeze in some ‘exarserdray’ lollipops, crank up the ‘cartchy tuns,’ and kick back in a ‘pasadise of sweet teats’? [editor’s note: for the love of God, read the image below].
No, I haven’t been eating the asbestos in the office again. This is the actual website description for the ‘encherining’ entertainment on show at the now-immortalized Willie’s Chocolate Experience, which in itself sounds like something you should be going to the drop-in sexual health clinic in Soho for after work.
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Now look, I don’t need to tell you how wonky all the AI images are for this event - you’ve seen them already to know that the content creation lacked some expertise and quality control. But I do think there’s something “exarserdray” funny about the dissonance between what was sold and what was, in reality, a nightmarish hellscape of Phoenix Night’s proportions, without the charm and charisma.
Let’s “dive into the whimsical TM,” shall we?
What ticket holders expected:
- “A journey filled with wondrous creations and enchanting surprises at every turn!”
What ticket holders got:
- The fucking Babadook.
What ticket holders expected:
- Actual Oompa Loompas.
What ticket holders got:
- A sad lady cooking some heroin.
What ticket holders expected:
- “A place where chocolate dreams come true.”
What ticket holders got:
- A place where you are given one jelly bean and half a cup of piss.
What ticket holders expected:
- “Captivating live performances and extraordinary props!”
What ticket holders got:
- The basement set of a hostage scene from a Shane Meadows film.
I know the original Wonka was a bit sinister. Still, there’s a difference between “Gene Wilder is a bit sexy and creepy” and scenes you’d expect to find after the forensic examination of a pile of burned hard drives at the bottom of a garden. The event was so catastrophically depressing that customers felt compelled to call the cops.
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Are you noticing a theme here? I’m not talking about the whimsey, which is clearly overflowing from every congealed orifice.
Promises were made, and fantasies were weaved that were clearly undeliverable from the outset, nor did they have any quality control or expertise overlayed. The end result was a hallucinatory nightmare that even The League of Gentlemen would’ve struggled to concoct.
It’s also come to light that the man behind the event (and presumably all the AI content, too) Billy Coull, has a history of making shit up and selling it on the internet. Just last year, he self-published a bunch of “books” on Amazon that appear to be conspiracy drivel.
He’s got a few more money-making schemes on the go, too - the usual get-rich-quick schemes that, once you scratch the surface of, probably fast-track you to everything being George Soros’s fault. His “company” is even called the House of Illuminati... But I’m sure Billy has a heart of gold-wrapped chocolate. And this is all a big misunderstanding.
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What I’m fascinated with here is the intrinsic link between AI-generated… stuff and the total lack of heart, humanity, honesty or humility that the process inherently erases from existence. It’s a vacuum in space where emotion can’t exist because it’s just copying things badly.
I asked Stephen Agnew, a director who has worked with some of the biggest brands in the world, what he thought of this event.
And he’s right - it’s shitness HAS united us all. I just hope we can learn and apply what is in front of our eyes to the current AI content conversations happening right now.
Even this week, Sora has changed virtually every industry; laborers that would build sound stages won’t be any more. Foley artists who create handmade sounds for films, TV and games won’t be any more. Voice artists that act in games and animation won’t be any more. PlayStation London Studio won’t be there any more.
But we do have a beautiful-looking AI-made Japanese blossom scene that is almost indistinguishable from filmed content. The Willy’s Chocolate Experience was sold under the pretense of a beautiful, wondrous, whimsical experience. The reality was a rip-off scam designed to make quick money, devoid of soul, expertise and heart that had to be stopped before it did even more damage.
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There isn’t a golden ticket scenario where AI-generated content makes everything better for everyone - the reality is that it’s a rip-off scam designed to make quick money, devoid of soul, expertise and heart that should be stopped before it does even more damage. Just don’t be an absolute Wonka.